A couple of weeks shy of five years ago, I wrote about vagina steaming and swore off paying attention to Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous opinions. Perhaps, I have been remiss in not bringing attention to things she promotes. Since then, an OB/GYN physician recommended against the V-steams Paltrow was exalting on her GOOP.com website. At least one woman, a Canadian, has suffered second-degree burns to her most private parts. Probably more have but won’t admit to being so stupid and foolish.


GOOP jade eggjpgI missed Paltrow’s other campaigns to exploit women’s vaginas. I’m unaware of products she endorses for women without vaginas or men with them. In 2017 or thereabout she started advertising jade eggs for $55 to $66 because they “…balanced out her hormones.” Instructions for proper use included: “recharge it in the full moon just the way you would a crystal,” and “wrap the egg in silk….and store it on an alter—it should take a sacred place in your life” along with a pre-instruction ritual. I am not making this up. The California consumer protection office sued her for making unscientific claims about the benefits of using these eggs. She settled for $145,000.


Now she is selling a $75 candle on GOOP that Paltrow said, “This smells like a vagina.” Not having ever been close enough to hers to comment on its odor, I will take her at her word that the candle does indeed smell like hers. To educate the uninformed, her site describes the aroma as “a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes with Damask rose and ambrette seed that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” It is far past my poor olfactory senses to even imagine the smell GOOP described. I leave that to the reader.


Perhaps the most important thing about the candle is that it was sold out and Paltrow is having difficulty meeting the demand for it.