A couple of weeks shy of five years ago, I wrote about vagina steaming and swore off paying attention to Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous opinions. Perhaps, I have been remiss in not bringing attention to things she promotes. Since then, an OB/GYN physician recommended against the V-steams Paltrow was exalting on her GOOP.com website. At least one woman, a Canadian, has suffered second-degree burns to her most private parts. Probably more have but won’t admit to being so stupid and foolish.
I missed Paltrow’s other campaigns to exploit women’s vaginas. I’m unaware of products she endorses for women without vaginas or men with them. In 2017 or thereabout she started advertising jade eggs for $55 to $66 because they “…balanced out her hormones.” Instructions for proper use included: “recharge it in the full moon just the way you would a crystal,” and “wrap the egg in silk….and store it on an alter—it should take a sacred place in your life” along with a pre-instruction ritual. I am not making this up. The California consumer protection office sued her for making unscientific claims about the benefits of using these eggs. She settled for $145,000.
Now she is selling a $75 candle on GOOP that Paltrow said, “This smells like a vagina.” Not having ever been close enough to hers to comment on its odor, I will take her at her word that the candle does indeed smell like hers. To educate the uninformed, her site describes the aroma as “a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes with Damask rose and ambrette seed that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” It is far past my poor olfactory senses to even imagine the smell GOOP described. I leave that to the reader.
Perhaps the most important thing about the candle is that it was sold out and Paltrow is having difficulty meeting the demand for it.
https://shop.goop.com/shop/products/this-smells-like-my-vagina-candle?country=USA
Just in time for Christmas, Amazon has slashed the price of Only Tim Sent Flowers, the book that tells Tookie’s coming-of-age story, to $1.24 for the Kindle version and $1.23 for the paperback. It’s anyone’s guess how long they keep prices this low, so you’ll need to hurry if you want a copy of this well-reviewed book almost for free. It’s doubtful they will replenish their print version inventory at this giveaway price.
Reviews of Tookie Goes Undercover are trickling in. My challenge now is to find reading groups who might be interested in following Tookie’s escapades.
Tookie Goes Undercover, the third in the Tookie series, is being released this Saturday, May 18 in both print and ebook formats. Copies are available from both the usual on-line resellers and the publisher, Black Opal Books. Order your copy and save 15%: 
Readers have had questions about Tim and Tookie’s early lives, particularly hers, because they are complicated characters who were impacted by their childhoods. Tookie Before Tim is intended to answer those questions. It might also encourage some people to read the Tookie series. This little ebook tells the life stories of the title characters from birth up to the fateful day on which they first met. Only Tim Sent Flowers starts where this book leaves off.
It’s happened again. Tookie was selected as a finalist for the Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. The awards have been announced and, once again, Tookie doesn’t get to wear the white wedding gown. This time she’s the maid-of-honor, being the runner-up.
It’s happened again. One of my books has been selected as a finalist for an award. The previous times, my creations ended up as runner-ups, not the winner. Finding Mr. Wrong is in the running for Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. Let’s hope Tookie gets to wear the beautiful white wedding gown this time instead of another ugly bridesmaid dress.
The Tookie Series by George Q. Kaplan 