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The Tookie Series by George Q. Kaplan

~ Exploits, sexual and otherwise, of an adventurous mildly Asperger's woman

The Tookie Series by George Q. Kaplan

Category Archives: masturbation

Monetizing the Vagina

13 Monday Jan 2020

Posted by georgeqkaplan in humor, masturbation, women's fiction

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A couple of weeks shy of five years ago, I wrote about vagina steaming and swore off paying attention to Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous opinions. Perhaps, I have been remiss in not bringing attention to things she promotes. Since then, an OB/GYN physician recommended against the V-steams Paltrow was exalting on her GOOP.com website. At least one woman, a Canadian, has suffered second-degree burns to her most private parts. Probably more have but won’t admit to being so stupid and foolish.

 

GOOP jade eggjpgI missed Paltrow’s other campaigns to exploit women’s vaginas. I’m unaware of products she endorses for women without vaginas or men with them. In 2017 or thereabout she started advertising jade eggs for $55 to $66 because they “…balanced out her hormones.” Instructions for proper use included: “recharge it in the full moon just the way you would a crystal,” and “wrap the egg in silk….and store it on an alter—it should take a sacred place in your life” along with a pre-instruction ritual. I am not making this up. The California consumer protection office sued her for making unscientific claims about the benefits of using these eggs. She settled for $145,000.

 

Now she is selling a $75 candle on GOOP that Paltrow said, “This smells like a vagina.” Not having ever been close enough to hers to comment on its odor, I will take her at her word that the candle does indeed smell like hers. To educate the uninformed, her site describes the aroma as “a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes with Damask rose and ambrette seed that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” It is far past my poor olfactory senses to even imagine the smell GOOP described. I leave that to the reader.

 

Perhaps the most important thing about the candle is that it was sold out and Paltrow is having difficulty meeting the demand for it.

 

https://shop.goop.com/shop/products/this-smells-like-my-vagina-candle?country=USA

 

 

Only Tim Sent Flowers price slashed

02 Monday Dec 2019

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, coming of age, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, New Adult, oral sex, Promiscuous, red hair, serial monogamy, women's fiction

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OTSF front cover w outlineJust in time for Christmas, Amazon has slashed the price of Only Tim Sent Flowers, the book that tells Tookie’s coming-of-age story, to $1.24 for the Kindle version and $1.23 for the paperback. It’s anyone’s guess how long they keep prices this low, so you’ll need to hurry if you want a copy of this well-reviewed book almost for free. It’s doubtful they will replenish their print version inventory at this giveaway price.

Get you copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Only-Tim-Sent-Flowers-Revised-ebook/dp/B074YKT22C/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=only+tim+sent+flowers&qid=1575304892&s=books&sr=1-1

Midwest Book Review raved about it:

An imaginative, entertaining, fascinating read from beginning to end, George Kaplan’s “Only Tim Sent Flowers” is an extraordinary novel by a writer with a genuine flair for novelty and narrative driven storytelling complete with unexpected twists and turns. While unreservedly recommended, especially for community library Contemporary General Fiction collections, it should be noted for personal reading lists that “Only Tim Sent Flowers” is also available in a digital book format.

Reviews Are Coming In

17 Wednesday Jul 2019

Posted by georgeqkaplan in adventure, Asperger's, erotica, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, mystery, oral sex, Promiscuous, red hair, Thriller, vibrator, women's fiction

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cialis, erectile dysfunction, iceland, viagra

TGU Draft CoverReviews of Tookie Goes Undercover are trickling in. My challenge now is to find reading groups who might be interested in following Tookie’s escapades.

“Tookie Goes Undercover” is the latest novel by George Kaplan featuring the escapades of Tookie. Tookie has a unique outlook and zest for life, and her adventures will keep readers enchanted from the first page to the very last sentence.

Tired of a marriage that has been dead for years, Tookie branches out into the dating world. Trying to find a man that can keep up with her lascivious needs is not easy. Tookie is on fire and the men in her life just cannot meet her needs for the long term. When Tookie finds out that her job is going to be axed, she is dismayed because it will be hard for her to find another one. She is in her sixties and feels she will be in low demand. Her interest is piqued however, when she is offered the chance to be a spy.

Having previously read “Only Tim Sent Flowers,” I loved being able to follow along with Tookie on her latest adventure. I think most middle-aged women will enjoy living vicariously through her. Even if we really would not want to be doing all the things that she does, it is still a welcome relief to enjoy everything through her eyes. Tookie has adventures and misadventures that had me laughing out loud. Her insatiable lust for life carries over well through the pages. She also has many funny nicknames for private body parts.

George Kaplan did an excellent job of carrying Tookie’s character past her middle ages. I also enjoyed his ability to develop a creative plot – the writing is engaging, entertaining and quite fabulous. I have to admit that I never have read anything quite like this book before! “Tookie Goes Undercover” is a must read for middle-aged and post middle-aged women. It would be a perfect selection for women’s reader groups.

Paige Lovitt for Reader Views

Tookie Goes Undercover Now Available

15 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by georgeqkaplan in adventure, Asperger's, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, mystery, oral sex, red hair, women's fiction

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TGU Draft CoverTookie Goes Undercover, the third in the Tookie series, is being released this Saturday, May 18 in both print and ebook formats. Copies are available from both the usual on-line resellers and the publisher, Black Opal Books. Order your copy and save 15%: https://black-opal-books.myshopify.com/products/tookie-goes-undercover?variant=10323792724004

It can also be pre-ordered at: https://www.amazon.com/Tookie-Goes-Undercover-George-Kaplan-ebook/dp/B07QHWJB21/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?keywords=tookie+goes+undercover&qid=1557932444&s=gateway&sr=8-1-fkmrnull

Advance reading copies (ARCs) are available. Contact me at GeorgeQKaplan@gmail.com if you’re interested in reviewing it.

If you’re not familiar with Tookie or my writing, here is what The Midwest Book Review had to say about the first Tookie book:

“An imaginative, entertaining, fascinating read from beginning to end, George Kaplan’s Only Tim Sent Flowers is an extraordinary novel by a writer with a genuine flair for novelty and narrative driven storytelling complete with unexpected twists and turns. While unreservedly recommended, especially for community library Contemporary General Fiction collections, it should be noted for personal reading lists that “Only Tim Send Flowers” is also available in a digital book format (Kindle, $2.99).”

Tookie Is the Maid-of-Honor This Time

15 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, autism, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, vibrator, women's fiction

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2019 Reader Views Humor awards 150dpiIt’s happened again. Tookie was selected as a finalist for the Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. The awards have been announced and, once again, Tookie doesn’t get to wear the white wedding gown. This time she’s the maid-of-honor, being the runner-up.

The cover, designed by Black Opal Books’ artist Jack, stands out among the other finalists as seen below. Unfortunately, Facebook considered the photo too suggestive because Tookie’s pulling down her panties and wouldn’t accept ads with the cover in them. So, I had to cover them up with a box containing “Banned by Facebook.” Now, I can cover the descending drawers with a sticker.

If you’d like to know about Tookie’s early life, read the free ebook Tookie Before Tim. If you don’t have Amazon Prime, just email me at GeorgeQKaplan@gmail.com to get a copy.

Tookie Gets Selected Again

05 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, Finding Mr. Wrong, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, red hair, serial monogamy, Uncategorized, vibrator, women's fiction

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FMW cover w RV seal.pngIt’s happened again. One of my books has been selected as a finalist for an award. The previous times, my creations ended up as runner-ups, not the winner. Finding Mr. Wrong is in the running for Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. Let’s hope Tookie gets to wear the beautiful white wedding gown this time instead of another ugly bridesmaid dress.

Reader View’s reviewer said this about my writing:

“Wow, this book was such an entertaining read! I fell in love with the author’s voice immediately. With a quick wit, a seemingly limitless imagination, and a sharp tongue, Kaplan brings Tookie to life in full magnificent display. Tookie’s trysts from man-to-man and bed-to-bed in search of the perfect partner are hilarious, and Kaplan uses his gift with dialogue to keep the story flowing almost impulsively, and always enticingly. What I want to know is how does Kaplan capture the very essence of Tookie’s personality? It’s almost like he has lived through her experiences directly! So fun!”

It’s nice to be appreciated but it would also be nice to win sometime.

The Autoblow 2+XT

25 Sunday Nov 2018

Posted by georgeqkaplan in masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, vibrator

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Tags

Autoblow, sex doll, sex robot

Inflatable doll headLast time, I ended by saying I’m fearful of being obsoleted by technology. That’s not entirely true. No machine could ever be developed to give a blow job to compare with mine. However, many men aren’t so discerning and are happy with whatever quality they get. That fact was proven by the popularity of inflatable sex dolls over the years. Although crude, not lifelike and inert, lonely men unable to have relationships with women bought them by the thousands.

Over the years, the technology improved, at a much higher price, and lifelike sex dolls were created. They became so popular that one of them was the focus of a 2007 movie, Lars and the Real Girl. Anatomically correct Bianca was an order of magnitude more expensive than the inflatable sex dolls and could be posed in numerous positions. None of this was shown in the film.

In recent years, actual sex robots have been developed and are being used in brothels. Fortunately for us women, they are more expensive than most men can afford. Not so expensive special-purpose robots have also been developed. Those that perform oral sex on men are the ones that worry me. So far, the ones on the market are so basic in function that they can’t compete with a skilled woman. No man I’ve ever blown would pick one of these over getting the real thing from me.

Autoblow 2+XTA new model, the Autoblow 2+XT, has been announced and claims to have features that rival or exceed most women’s repertoires. For starters, it is hands free—if the man wedges it between pillows and lays on top of it—has two speeds and has five arms of beads that grip tighter than in previous models to give a more realistic feeling.

One of its purported strengths is that it doesn’t require batteries because it plugs into an ordinary electrical socket. That gives me a tremendous advantage. I don’t require electricity of any sort and get especially turned on just being in the woods.

As always,

Tookie

Image

Second Tookie Book Released

24 Saturday Mar 2018

FMW cover with outline.pngLast Saturday, even though Tookie wasn’t wearing green, her favorite color, probably due to her red hair, her publisher, Black Opal Books, released the second book in the series named after her. Finding Mr. Wrong picks up where Only Tim Sent Flowers left off. After being dumped unceremoniously by Isaac and convalescing with first boyfriend Tim, Tookie unwinds on a windjammer cruise unmolested (her satirical term for making out, an activity she thoroughly enjoyed) with girls from work.

A chance remark by one of her shipmates, who’d had too much wine, piqued her curiosity about mechanical devices as a substitute for a man on dateless nights. After a few tests, she shelved her long-held restriction against props.

Her biological clock ticked deafeningly and no vibrator could get her the daughter she longed to have. Acquiring a husband and getting pregnant, not necessarily in that order, became her highest priority. She broadened her filter and accepted dates from men should would have ignored before. Tookie’s main criteria became an income capable of supporting her daughter in the manner she wished she had lived and an ability to impregnate her. She even started going to church.

She “auditioned” man after man, but none proved adequate until she was set up on a blind date with an engineer her age who still lived at home. That his old-country mother wanted grandchildren was a major point in his favor. But would his mother squelch the deal after her P.I. uncovered some of Tookie’s indiscretions?

If you’re interested in reviewing Finding Mr. Wrong, contact me.

Posted by georgeqkaplan | Filed under Asperger's, Finding Mr. Wrong, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, red hair, vibrator

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Finding Mr. Wrong

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, Fiction writing, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, red hair, vibrator, women's fiction

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FMQ front coverThis has been a productive week already and it’s far from over. Finding Mr. Wrong, the second book in the Tookie series, is moving rapidly toward release. The editor’s comments weren’t hard to accommodate and I didn’t find too many typos to correct, on this goround at least. So, I was able to submit the revised manuscript for final edits. Soon, PDFs will arrive in my inbox for me to review.

Hardly any time later, a draft cover awaited my comments. Black Opal Books’ artist selected an image that suggested a scene in the book. The only problem was that the sexy woman in the photo was wearing spike heels. Forget about those. Tookie never wears high heels, even short ones. Photoshopping clodhoppers over them didn’t work. Photos that might have worked were in the wrong aspect ratio for a book cover: they had a horizontal orientation instead of vertical as needed. Eventually, I found a photo of a woman in a red dress with great legs—and no shoes.

The artist gave it a try, and it works. I’ll leave to the reader what scene inspired the artist. For a hint, read Only Tim Sent Flowers while you wait for Finding Mr. Wrong to be in print. Fortunately, that won’t be too long. It is scheduled for release in both print and ebook versions in March.

Tookie Entertains Family Gathering

24 Friday Nov 2017

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, coming of age, Jersey girl, karaoke, masturbation, Only Tim Sent Flowers

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A fellow writer who critiques my books before I submit them to the publisher unwittingly let Tookie entertain her family’s Thanksgiving celebration:

At Thanksgiving, we decided to sing karaoke. So, my husband grabs my laptop and hooks it up so that the lyrics playing on my laptop show on our HUGE living room TV. Only the last thing I was looking at on my computer was your Tookie chapter.

So, as soon as he hooks it up, BOOM. Tookie, doing all kinds of penis stuff to Reggie, in huge bold print, right on the living room TV in front of my whole family lol! I wasn’t paying attention, so it’s up there for a few minutes, and my cousin and a female friend are like, “Uhhhhhh…” I’m cracking up.

I explain who George Kaplan is and why I’m reading this on my work computer. I dig out my copy of Only Tim Sent Flowers and I’m like, “Check it out. He’s really creative and his heroine is hilarious. I’ve learned so much reading his stuff. Like, in the ’70s, IUD strings hung out of the vagina (my stepmom nods in agreement). And last week I learned what a rusty trombone is—-DON’T GOOGLE THAT.”

We’re all flipping through the book and discussing the plot. My friend opens to a page where Tookie goes into deep detail about using cucumbers, carrots, Coke bottles* and more, to masturbate and she’s reading this out loud to the room and everyone is dying. People are taking pictures of the book cover and looking up the book on Amazon. I think I just sold like ten copies of your novel today lol!!! I thought you’d get a kick out of that story.

I never thought I’d be hanging out with my dad, talking about Tookie and the sexual revolution. But today was the day lol! They thought the book was hilarious and witty and I told them I laugh every single time I critique one of your chapters.

* Tookie considered testing the possibility that using a Coke bottle as a dildo could do her serious physical harm too risky to try.

 

 

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Recent Posts

  • Tookie & Tim Released
  • Monetizing the Vagina
  • Tookie and Tim
  • Only Tim Sent Flowers price slashed
  • Reviews Are Coming In

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