Category Archives: masturbation

Tookie Is the Maid-of-Honor This Time

15 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by in Asperger's, autism, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, vibrator, women's fiction

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2019 Reader Views Humor awards 150dpiIt’s happened again. Tookie was selected as a finalist for the Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. The awards have been announced and, once again, Tookie doesn’t get to wear the white wedding gown. This time she’s the maid-of-honor, being the runner-up.

The cover, designed by Black Opal Books’ artist Jack, stands out among the other finalists as seen below. Unfortunately, Facebook considered the photo too suggestive because Tookie’s pulling down her panties and wouldn’t accept ads with the cover in them. So, I had to cover them up with a box containing “Banned by Facebook.” Now, I can cover the descending drawers with a sticker.

If you’d like to know about Tookie’s early life, read the free ebook Tookie Before Tim. If you don’t have Amazon Prime, just email me at GeorgeQKaplan@gmail.com to get a copy.

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Tookie Gets Selected Again

05 Tuesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Asperger's, Finding Mr. Wrong, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, red hair, serial monogamy, Uncategorized, vibrator, women's fiction

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FMW cover w RV seal.pngIt’s happened again. One of my books has been selected as a finalist for an award. The previous times, my creations ended up as runner-ups, not the winner. Finding Mr. Wrong is in the running for Reader Views Literary Awards for 2018-2019 Humor category. Let’s hope Tookie gets to wear the beautiful white wedding gown this time instead of another ugly bridesmaid dress.

Reader View’s reviewer said this about my writing:

“Wow, this book was such an entertaining read! I fell in love with the author’s voice immediately. With a quick wit, a seemingly limitless imagination, and a sharp tongue, Kaplan brings Tookie to life in full magnificent display. Tookie’s trysts from man-to-man and bed-to-bed in search of the perfect partner are hilarious, and Kaplan uses his gift with dialogue to keep the story flowing almost impulsively, and always enticingly. What I want to know is how does Kaplan capture the very essence of Tookie’s personality? It’s almost like he has lived through her experiences directly! So fun!”

It’s nice to be appreciated but it would also be nice to win sometime.

The Autoblow 2+XT

25 Sunday Nov 2018

Posted by in masturbation, oral sex, Promiscuous, vibrator

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Inflatable doll headLast time, I ended by saying I’m fearful of being obsoleted by technology. That’s not entirely true. No machine could ever be developed to give a blow job to compare with mine. However, many men aren’t so discerning and are happy with whatever quality they get. That fact was proven by the popularity of inflatable sex dolls over the years. Although crude, not lifelike and inert, lonely men unable to have relationships with women bought them by the thousands.

Over the years, the technology improved, at a much higher price, and lifelike sex dolls were created. They became so popular that one of them was the focus of a 2007 movie, Lars and the Real Girl. Anatomically correct Bianca was an order of magnitude more expensive than the inflatable sex dolls and could be posed in numerous positions. None of this was shown in the film.

In recent years, actual sex robots have been developed and are being used in brothels. Fortunately for us women, they are more expensive than most men can afford. Not so expensive special-purpose robots have also been developed. Those that perform oral sex on men are the ones that worry me. So far, the ones on the market are so basic in function that they can’t compete with a skilled woman. No man I’ve ever blown would pick one of these over getting the real thing from me.

Autoblow 2+XTA new model, the Autoblow 2+XT, has been announced and claims to have features that rival or exceed most women’s repertoires. For starters, it is hands free—if the man wedges it between pillows and lays on top of it—has two speeds and has five arms of beads that grip tighter than in previous models to give a more realistic feeling.

One of its purported strengths is that it doesn’t require batteries because it plugs into an ordinary electrical socket. That gives me a tremendous advantage. I don’t require electricity of any sort and get especially turned on just being in the woods.

As always,

Tookie

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Second Tookie Book Released

24 Saturday Mar 2018

FMW cover with outline.pngLast Saturday, even though Tookie wasn’t wearing green, her favorite color, probably due to her red hair, her publisher, Black Opal Books, released the second book in the series named after her. Finding Mr. Wrong picks up where Only Tim Sent Flowers left off. After being dumped unceremoniously by Isaac and convalescing with first boyfriend Tim, Tookie unwinds on a windjammer cruise unmolested (her satirical term for making out, an activity she thoroughly enjoyed) with girls from work.

A chance remark by one of her shipmates, who’d had too much wine, piqued her curiosity about mechanical devices as a substitute for a man on dateless nights. After a few tests, she shelved her long-held restriction against props.

Her biological clock ticked deafeningly and no vibrator could get her the daughter she longed to have. Acquiring a husband and getting pregnant, not necessarily in that order, became her highest priority. She broadened her filter and accepted dates from men should would have ignored before. Tookie’s main criteria became an income capable of supporting her daughter in the manner she wished she had lived and an ability to impregnate her. She even started going to church.

She “auditioned” man after man, but none proved adequate until she was set up on a blind date with an engineer her age who still lived at home. That his old-country mother wanted grandchildren was a major point in his favor. But would his mother squelch the deal after her P.I. uncovered some of Tookie’s indiscretions?

If you’re interested in reviewing Finding Mr. Wrong, contact me.

Posted by | Filed under Asperger's, Finding Mr. Wrong, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, red hair, vibrator

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Finding Mr. Wrong

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in Asperger's, Fiction writing, humor, Jersey girl, masturbation, red hair, vibrator, women's fiction

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FMQ front coverThis has been a productive week already and it’s far from over. Finding Mr. Wrong, the second book in the Tookie series, is moving rapidly toward release. The editor’s comments weren’t hard to accommodate and I didn’t find too many typos to correct, on this goround at least. So, I was able to submit the revised manuscript for final edits. Soon, PDFs will arrive in my inbox for me to review.

Hardly any time later, a draft cover awaited my comments. Black Opal Books’ artist selected an image that suggested a scene in the book. The only problem was that the sexy woman in the photo was wearing spike heels. Forget about those. Tookie never wears high heels, even short ones. Photoshopping clodhoppers over them didn’t work. Photos that might have worked were in the wrong aspect ratio for a book cover: they had a horizontal orientation instead of vertical as needed. Eventually, I found a photo of a woman in a red dress with great legs—and no shoes.

The artist gave it a try, and it works. I’ll leave to the reader what scene inspired the artist. For a hint, read Only Tim Sent Flowers while you wait for Finding Mr. Wrong to be in print. Fortunately, that won’t be too long. It is scheduled for release in both print and ebook versions in March.

Tookie Entertains Family Gathering

24 Friday Nov 2017

Posted by in Asperger's, coming of age, Jersey girl, karaoke, masturbation, Only Tim Sent Flowers

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A fellow writer who critiques my books before I submit them to the publisher unwittingly let Tookie entertain her family’s Thanksgiving celebration:

At Thanksgiving, we decided to sing karaoke. So, my husband grabs my laptop and hooks it up so that the lyrics playing on my laptop show on our HUGE living room TV. Only the last thing I was looking at on my computer was your Tookie chapter.

So, as soon as he hooks it up, BOOM. Tookie, doing all kinds of penis stuff to Reggie, in huge bold print, right on the living room TV in front of my whole family lol! I wasn’t paying attention, so it’s up there for a few minutes, and my cousin and a female friend are like, “Uhhhhhh…” I’m cracking up.

I explain who George Kaplan is and why I’m reading this on my work computer. I dig out my copy of Only Tim Sent Flowers and I’m like, “Check it out. He’s really creative and his heroine is hilarious. I’ve learned so much reading his stuff. Like, in the ’70s, IUD strings hung out of the vagina (my stepmom nods in agreement). And last week I learned what a rusty trombone is—-DON’T GOOGLE THAT.”

We’re all flipping through the book and discussing the plot. My friend opens to a page where Tookie goes into deep detail about using cucumbers, carrots, Coke bottles* and more, to masturbate and she’s reading this out loud to the room and everyone is dying. People are taking pictures of the book cover and looking up the book on Amazon. I think I just sold like ten copies of your novel today lol!!! I thought you’d get a kick out of that story.

I never thought I’d be hanging out with my dad, talking about Tookie and the sexual revolution. But today was the day lol! They thought the book was hilarious and witty and I told them I laugh every single time I critique one of your chapters.

* Tookie considered testing the possibility that using a Coke bottle as a dildo could do her serious physical harm too risky to try.

 

 

Coming of Age Novel Released

20 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by in Asperger's, coming of age, erotica, Jersey girl, masturbation, Only Tim Sent Flowers, oral sex, Promiscuous, red hair, women's fiction

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The second edition of Only Tim Sent Flowers, the first of the three-volume Tookie series (so far), is being released this coming Saturday by publisher Black Opal Books in both ebook and print formats. Heavily revised to focus on Tookie’s coming of age, this version should appeal to younger (meaning over 16) readers in and about to enter their New Adult period as well as traditional readers of books with female protagonists. Told in first person POV (Tookie’s perspective) from an intelligent high-functioning Asperger’s who lives in her head, she shares her innermost thoughts (that she seldom reveals to others) with the reader.

Books may be pre-ordered from Black Opal Books and Amazon.com. Those interested in writing reviews can contact the author at GeorgeQKaplan@gmail.com.

Manuscripts for the second and third titles in the series, Finding Mr. Wrong and Tookie Goes Undercover have been completed and were recently sent to the publisher. No release dates have been set. With that writing, editing, rewriting, editing, etc. complete—at least until a publisher’s editor gets her hands on them—I should have time to tend to my blog more faithfully, especially since the newspapers have been filled with so many topics with potential.

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Big Brother Monitors Women’s Orgasms

16 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by in masturbation, vibrator

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A recent article on Consumerist.com reveals intrusion into private sex lives that even Orwell didn’t think of. Fortunately, the government, in this case, didn’t outlaw sex and wasn’t doing the spying. It was a private company. In fact, an Illinois court (always a good place to file a product liability suit) fined Standard Innovation, maker of We-Vibe 4 Plus vibrators $3.75 million for its spying. That’s has to be enough to get the manufacturer of a specialty product’s attention.

It seems unlikely that all $3.75 million will be collected from the class-action suit because individual customers may not be willing to identify themselves to claim the $199 due those who simply bought a We-Vibe 4 Plus. Users of the accompanying We-Connect app may be more willing because they are due about $10,000 each. Why the difference, you ask?

The app allows the vibrator to be controlled via cell phone with a Blue Tooth connection. Such things as mode and intensity can be adjusted from the cell phone screen. For a better explanation see: http://we-vibe.com/app.
Where the company got in trouble was for intercepting and capturing on their servers data regarding customers’ use of the vibrator such as when and for how long and which settings they selected.

How many people, especially women, will be willing to publicly acknowledge that they not only use a vibrator but which model they use for a mere $199. App users may find $10,000 more enticing. One would expect that there will be more takers for this amount.

Recent Wikileaks releases suggest that the U.S. government may have the ability to gather the same, if not more, data than did the Canadian company that sells its vibrators worldwide.

Hackers Goldfisk and Follower demonstrated at Def Con 24 conference in Las Vegas how the We-Vibe 4 Plus can easily be remotely activated by anyone who can intercept it with a paired smartphone because the Bluetooth communications between the device and its controlling app aren’t secure.

By now some perverts in the government have already hacked these devices to make mischief. Spies will soon be intercepting the same data that is being sent to the company’s servers and using it to blackmail or at least embarrass people.