Tag Archives: vagina

Tookie Wonders If She Can Get a Sex Robot Off

11 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by in Asperger's, Fiction writing, oral sex, women's fiction

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Something this plethora of recent articles about robot sex doesn’t address is how much more difficult it will become for us Aspie girls who desire to get our hands on a hot breathing man who’s excited to drill deep into our caverns or, like me, to see their reactions when I unexpectedly pleasure them as only I can. I can’t imagine playing games with machines.  Their reactions would be…robotic at best.  I may be unusual for an Aspie because I like to play games with men, with their minds and aroused bodies.

I find myself attracted to men with poor social skills, often Aspie boys, perhaps because I can get away with things more polished guys wouldn’t tolerate. I don’t know how I could get the upper hand with a robot. It would do what I command without question, provided it’s in his repertoire. If it’s not—and many things I’d like to do but haven’t—wouldn’t be, I’d have to break it down step by step to basic actions he—yes, although I’m not a girly girl, I don’t need another vagina to entertain me—would have been programmed to do. I suppose I could program things into his memory by first telling him that I’m teaching him something new and giving it a name, then taking him through what I want him to do step by step.

A quick internet search tells me that sex dolls, toys and robots with vibrating, rotating tongues to please the ladies are already on the market. My Sidney will quickly learn to give me rusty trumpets without demanding I reciprocate. I will reciprocate in different ways—reciprocate isn’t the right word because pleasuring men gives me great pleasure. However, much of the thrill I get is doing them when they least expect it. But how will I get such reactions from a robot?

Dental Robot

Dental robot with working tongue.

 

Making Sure Your Lovers Are Up to the Task

13 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in coming of age, Promiscuous

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A Danish company is now producing a kit useful for those of us who are looking for a man to father our children or for those who want to avoid unwanted pregnancies. SwimCount is a home test that rates the potency of sperm in your lover’s semen. There are already products available to do that, you say. Not really. Existing products, such as SpermCheck, test the sperm count but don’t test their motile ability. To be effective, that is to get me pregnant sort of like salmon, sperm must swim upstream to reach my egg. With somewhere between 200 and 500 million sperms being injected into us with each male orgasm, you’d think getting pregnant would be trivial. But we women don’t make it easy for them. Our bodies protect us from weak and unsuitable sperms. Only the strong survive, so to speak. Our vaginas are acidic—except when ovulating—and kill most of them right off the bat, making impregnation virtually impossible most of the time. Vagina have a neutral PH during ovulation, allowing sperm to survive. Merely surviving doesn’t win a cigar. The sperm must swim through my vagina and into my cervix but, once there, they’re not home free. Cervical mucus that is supposed to help push sperm through the vagina, cervix and beyond while feeding it nutrients to give sperm the energy needed for the long journey to the egg sometimes kills the very thing it is supposed to assist.

Those sperm left surviving face another challenge in the cervix when they hit a fork in the road. Each leg of the fork leads to a fallopian tube, only one of which has a fertile egg in it at a time. Those taking the wrong tube fail in their mission. The few survivors compete for the honor of impregnating me. The first one to penetrate the mature egg wins and, voilà, I’m preggers.

Next time we talk about how to make sure our lovers aren’t shooting blanks or are when we want them to be.

I’m looking out for you single girls,

Tookie

 

Vampire Vajacials

09 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by in women's fiction

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About the time you think you’ve heard everything weird, such as Gwyneth Paltrow steam-cleaning her vagina, something even more bizarre drops over the threshold. This time it’s Vampire Vajacials, something I don’t think you’ll find in a dictionary anywhere. The proper name of this treatment is Rejuvulva, which involves injecting yellowish platelet-rich plasma (PRP) derived from a woman’s own blood back into her vaginal tissue. It’s supposed to plump the vagina, improve sexual sensation, boost libido, and increase both the frequency and intensity of orgasms. What’s not to like?

Dr. Daniel Sister, one of the inventors, claims that the treatment also has medical purposes (that maybe insurance might cover?) including decreasing pain during intercourse and improving urinary incontinence. So far, the treatment is available only in the clinics of its inventors: Dr. Sister in London and Nurse Claudia McCloin in Ireland for a cost upwards of £800 ($1,221 U.S.). They claim the treatment’s benefits last an entire year.

They claim the 30-minute treatment carries zero risk of side effects, rejection, infection, or allergy because the patient’s own cells are being injected into her. Some women might find the thought of having the business end of a hypodermic needle sunk into her vagina terrifying but at least one unnamed woman claims it was worth it:

It completely changed my world. I started to notice some changes in sensations on my way home but the next morning it was heightened and sex was amazing. I have never felt such an intense orgasm before.

This begs the question as to what she was doing on her way home (she may not have been driving) when she noticed (one assumes) pleasant changes in sensations.

Which American women are rushing to the British Isles for their treatments? When will it be available here? Perhaps commenters can shed some light on those issues.

Steam Cleaning Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina

03 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in erotica, Fiction writing, women's fiction

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I make a policy of ignoring any reference to Gwyneth Paltrow much like I avert my eyes when photos or, worse yet, videos of Kardashians enter my field of vision lest I be blinded or turned to stone. In Paltrow’s case, it’s to avoid the destruction of much-needed brain cells. However, she recently said or wrote something so bizarre I couldn’t resist reading about it, particularly since it was something that could possibly be fodder for a writer of women’s fiction or erotica. On her appropriately-named website Goop, Paltrow touts the benefits of steam-cleaning her vagina.

The above is not a misprint or typographical error, Gwyneth Paltrow claims her privates need regular V-Steams to function at peak performance. Goop gives instructions on how to give your vagina a proper steaming:

“You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release–not just a steam douche–that balances female hormone levels.” If you’re in LA, “have to do it,” says Paltrow, assuming everyone has a spare $50 to spend on a single 30-minute treatment or $200 for a five-treatment package.

Should the standard herb Paltrow mentions be too hogwartian for your taste, several other herbs can be substituted: basil, calendula, oregano, marshmallow root, wormwood and rosemary.

Jen Gunter, MD thinks Paltrow’s claims are bunk: “Steam isn’t going to get into your uterus from your vagina unless you are using an attachment with some kind of pressure and MOST DEFINITELY NEVER EVER DO THAT….If you want to feel relaxed, get a good massage. If you want to relax your vagina, have an orgasm.”

But if you’re a writer, bless Gwyneth for being a never-ending muse for concocting kinky or screwball scenes.

 

http://goop.com/city-guide/infrared-saunas-detox-spas-and-the-best-spots-for-colonics/tikkun-spa/

Perfect Aphrodisiac for Aspie Women

20 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, erotica

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Foria2Foria, a new product hitting the news is a marijuana-based aphrodisiac for women expected to hit the shelves of Colorado pot stores next week. The California-based company marketing it claims it to be “the first sexual lubricant designed specifically to improve sex for women.” Foria’s makers claim their product helps women orgasm easier and more deeply but doesn’t get them high.

USA Today reports that it isn’t exactly cheap at $88 for a 1 ounce bottle. How many spritzes can one get out of a 10ml bottle? A 5ml bottle pictured in some articles states that it contains 5 servings, wording not exactly incorrect but perhaps chosen to broaden the marketplace to male customers  because it’s digestible.

This is no date-rape product aimed at males. The instructions show it’s clearly aimed at women as a means to increase their male-optional pleasure: “Apply 4-8 sprays directly onto the clitoris, inner and outer labia and inside the vagina. Each spray contains approximately 2 milligrams of THC. Your body and its needs are unique, so it is recommended that you experiment slowly to learn what serving size is best for you. All 15-30 minutes to relax and absorb the medicine, a great time for foreplay or self-message. Then enjoy alone or with a partner as desired.”

Foria looks like it could be an ideal product for Aspie women to increase their pleasure when they masturbate alone or if on a date. Just duck into the restaurant ladies room before dessert, spritz, and you’ll be ready for a night of pleasure before he’s in your bra.

Right now, it sounds as if it’s available only where marijuana is legal but how long will it take for someone to find a substitute chemical that does the job as well?