Tag Archives: SwimCount

Thwarting Devious Men

27 Saturday Feb 2016

Posted by in Fiction writing, Promiscuous, women's fiction

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

Women can also use SwimCount to reduce their chances of a men unexpectedly injecting buns into our fertile ovens. Some of you may have already run into fiends who falsely claim to have had vasectomies or whose operations somehow failed to prevent impregnation. It’s easy to succumb to the siren calls of “let’s go bareback” because it feels oh so much better. I love feeling a man erupt inside me but hate the disruption of another abortion. SwimCount can tell you if he’s shooting blanks with as much precision as it does with evaluating quality swimmers.

Don’t count on it for your one-night stands or spur-of-the-moment romps because, while SwimCount gives you valuable information about his ability to inseminate you, it says nothing about STDs. So, like them or not, girls, you best put raincoats on strange willies you take in.

Panties.pngSpeaking of strange willies, if you’ve been getting some cock on the side and you throw your used panties into the hamper, you might have to worry about being caught. Because not everything that comes into us stays there, we leave trails of our sexual behavior. CheckMate is a product used by husbands, boyfriends, and detectives to determine if we’ve been fooling around. It takes advantage of the fact that semen can continue to drip out of us up to 72 hours after he deposits it. CheckMate uses a strip sort of like a litmus paper to instantaneously detect the presence of semen on underwear or panty liners.

Fortunately, there are simple ways to defeat the test: have sex with your live-in shortly before or after stepping out on him. If you find that too disgusting, use panty shields and discard them where he can’t find them. And be sure not to let your lovers make Bill Clinton’s famous “blue dress” mistake.

I’m looking out for you girls,

Tookie

Counting His Sperm

19 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Asperger's, Jersey girl, Only Tim Sent Flowers

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , ,

It’s easy for a man to make an effective test of his sperm. All he has to do is not ejaculate for three days—by any means, not just in a woman. It’s harder for a woman, even when her man participates, moreso when you’re doing it without him knowing you’re doing it. Since my whole reason for testing a man’s sperm is to find a virile man to impregnate me. After he passes that test, I’ll worry about his worth as a husband and father but not before. With a loudly ticking biological clock I can’t afford to waste time. I must find a man able and willing to knock me up ASAP. So, the first date is not too soon, even before if I feel safe bringing a pick up to my apartment.

How to do it? Jacking him off into a cup on the first date would probably get a good sample but would likely make him think you’re too weird for a second date. I personally dislike condoms but they’re probably the best way of collecting a sample without him knowing what you’re up to. Reward him by letting him take you in whichever orifice he chooses anyway he chooses—even places you don’t like it—provided he wears a rubber.

As soon as he comes, remove his rubber yourself and take it to your bathroom where you deposit the sample in the test kit. Hide the test kit and prepare for more rounds of pleasure. Make sure you capture his sample the first encounter of the night because his sperm count will drop with later encounters.

Use your judgement as to letting him stay the night or not. Regardless, get his number off his cell phone so you can call him if he passes muster. The SwimCount kit determines how many sperms swim properly and have a good shot at putting a bun in your oven. Don’t despair if he’s borderline or a little low. He may have pounded his pud within three days of putting his meat to you. A retest is in order. Arrange a date for a week later to give him a chance to recharge. Test as many other men in between as you like. It’s him that needs to be celebate—even from his hand—for several days, not you. If he passes the test, tell him to get tested for STDs immediately and get ready for the night of his life when he shows you a clean bill of health.

I’m looking out for you single girls,

Tookie

SwimCount

 

Sperm Gotta Swim

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Asperger's, Only Tim Sent Flowers, oral sex

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , ,

If we didn’t have a hard enough time getting pregnant, researchers now tell us our bodies often reject unfamiliar sperm and that it can take three months of exposure to a man’s semen before we allow them a shot at a ripe egg. This behavior could make it harder for those of us who want babies without other than a brief encounter with a man. Bad news for lesbians. Good news for those of us who enjoy one-night stands but don’t want children—at least yet. It also helps explain why some couples only get pregnant after long periods of trying: her body finally stopped rejecting his semen or one of the few sperms in his low-potency semen finally scored.

Since I would divorce a man unlikely to have a rational chance of impregnating me, pre-testing candidates for fatherhood makes perfect sense to me. SpermCheck has been available for a good while but it only looks at part of the problem. Sure, it identifies sperm counts too low to succeed but it overlooks another common problem. Swimming is essential and many sperms are non-swimmers. SwimCount, a Danish product available in the European Union and part of the British Commonwealth, addresses this void analyzing the motility of the sperms in the sample. If less than 50% of a sample with an acceptable sperm count swim in a forward direction, it’s time to try a new candidate. This guy isn’t likely to be handing out cigars any time soon. Better to move on.

Both SpermCheck and SwimCount easily used by men to test themselves. However, I don’t think I’d be able to hook Mr. Right if I asked him to have his sperm tested as a prerequisite to dating me. The best approach for me is to prepare my bedroom for testing him surreptitiously during a date.

We’ll discuss the details next time. For now, I’ll just say that collecting samples orally won’t work because my saliva would kill the cells.

I’m looking out for you single girls,

Tookie

sperm