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The Tookie Series by George Q. Kaplan

~ Exploits, sexual and otherwise, of an adventurous mildly Asperger's woman

The Tookie Series by George Q. Kaplan

Tag Archives: Aspie

Don’t Expect Empathy from an Aspie Woman

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, women's fiction

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Aspie, Aspie women, empathy, lack of empathy

Aspie women are sometimes described as having men’s brains. So, why is it so darn difficult for a man to have a relationship with one of them? I propose that the lack of empathy, another trait often attributed to Aspie women, makes having even a friendship with her exceedingly frustrating because she isn’t able to put herself in your shoes. She’s much less obvious about self-containment than her male counterparts because, being a woman, she generally has far better social skills and puts them to use masking her deficiencies.

Teenage Aspie girls fall behind their neurotypical classmates and, even though physically attractive, another stereotypical female Aspie trait, have difficulty maintaining relationships. As they age, they observe their NT counterparts and learn to mimic their behavior. Their mimicry brings with it another set of problems. Because they are not responding out of true concern, due to their lack of empathy, Aspie women develop a canned response when they detect something is amiss with an acquaintance.

A middle-aged Aspie woman I’ve known for decades responds with, “I’m so sorry,” if you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, have had a parent or sibling die, or have been seriously injured in an accident. Hearing her say this same phrase so many times for a wide range of issues, coupled with a complete lack of deeper follow up, convinced me hers was a canned response not based on having empathy for another’s problems. Where others might say, “I’m so sorry,” and ask questions to give you a chance to share your feelings in some depth, she forges ahead to some topic that interests her. If you need someone to comfort you when you’re down and hurting, she’s not the girl for you. However, if you’re looking for someone to take care of, she might be the one for you. More on that later.

DoD Thinks Putin Is Asperger’s

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by georgeqkaplan in Asperger's, Fiction writing, women's fiction

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Asperger’s Syndrome, Aspie, Aspie women, poor social skills, Vladimir Putin

The Department of Defense thinks Vladimir Putin has Asperger’s Syndrome, according to a 2008 study report that has been leaked to the press. Why do we care? Putting national security issues aside, it might be useful for writers and readers to both accept it as true. Spy and crime writers could easily use it as a plot device. Aspie heroines, like their real-life counterparts, can be attracted to Aspie men, not that it often works out well. As Aspie woman I’ve known for years (but denies she is Aspie), by her own admission almost exclusively dates Aspie men. She, however, has never considered the possibility that they are the way they are because they are Aspie, let alone accept that she’s terrible in relationships because she’s Aspie. Now a senior citizen, she covers by saying, “My boyfriends all have poor social skills.” One can only imagine what sort of relationship skills an Aspie KGB officer would have.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a tiny bit Aspie myself but, as a young adult, recognized I lacked social skills and have gradually but steadily improved them over the years to the point I can socialize easily with sophisticated people. My old Aspie lady friend has learned to mimic proper social behavior well enough to manage social situations reasonably well but lacks the self-confidence to pick socially adept men. She stays in her comfort zone every time she switches boyfriends. She complains about their behavior and lack of interest in knowing her as a person but doesn’t trade up when she has the chance.

Aspie women have a tremendous advantage over other women as they age: they retain their good looks much better than other women and men are nothing if not visually oriented. Aging Aspie women need all the help they can get because the pool of men shrinks as they get older and the competition gets fierce for this limited commodity. Widows with finely-honed social and relationship skills are tough competition and many surviving men who will tolerate the lack of such skills in women have long before exited the dating pool.

Back to Putin. Would many Aspie women possess the energy to deal with this bare-chested macho man? Would Putin be attracted to an intelligent and beautiful but retiring woman? Probably yes but not for long.

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