Tag Archives: Aspie women

Book Trailer Now on YouTube

21 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, coming of age, Jersey girl, Only Tim Sent Flowers, oral sex, Promiscuous, women's fiction

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Beautiful Red Head Woman With Freckle Smiling

Yippee! Black Opal Books released Only Tim Sent Flowers this weekend in both Kindle and paperback. Either version can be purchased from the publisher, Black Opal Books, or Amazon.com. You can find it at: Black Opal’s site. It can also be found on Amazon.

While waiting for Only Tim Sent Flowers to be released, I put together a simple book trailer about it and put it up on YouTube.com.  Let me know if you find it helpful or not.

My challenge now as a first-time, unknown novelist is to figure out how to let potential readers know it exists. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Editors and early readers say that I’ve created a unique character in Tookie. No one quite like her is found elsewhere. They also commented on the humor that is sprinkled copiously throughout her story, even in some of her sex scenes.

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Is She an Aspie or Is She a Sociopath?

08 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, women's fiction

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Are Aspie women sociopaths, victims of sociopaths, or both? Aspies are often mistaken for sociopaths because of their lack of empathy. Differentiating between the two can be difficult, even moreso when borderline personality disorder is thrown into the mix. One difference is that Aspie’s are often awkward socially whereas sociopaths are their most effective when socially charming. Aspie women’s physical attractiveness and naiveté combine to make them ripe targets for sociopaths. Love-starved Aspie women are extremely vulnerable to silver-tongued sociopaths’ considerable charms. The tendency of Aspie women to be attracted to Aspie men, who don’t flatter them and sometimes aren’t very charming, sets them up for unscrupulous men who know exactly the right words to say to get these lovelies to drop their panties without knowing much about their seducer.

As soon as the sociopath gets what he wants—and a long-term relationship with an Aspie woman isn’t usually one of his priorities—he moves on to another prey, or back to his primary ongoing prey who didn’t realize he was gone. If the Aspie woman is lucky, very lucky, she has a sex-filled weekend in which she does things for the sociopath she doesn’t want to admit to herself she did and thinks she’s finally found true love. After he doesn’t call or return her many calls, she won’t let herself accept that she’d been duped. Her biggest impediment to protecting herself is her intelligence. She assumes that her intelligence causes her to make intelligent decisions. This blind spot keeps her from acknowledging that she’d been had. She couldn’t have been wrong about his love for her. Something terrible must’ve happened to keep him from her. Maybe his wife’s giving him trouble with the divorce. Something’s gone wrong with his job. He might’ve been in a car wreck….

If she’s incredibly lucky, the sociopath won’t have given the Aspie woman an STD or have taken a significant amount of money from her. Next time we’ll consider what it’s like for an NT male to unwittingly fall in love with an Aspie woman.

Don’t Expect Empathy from an Aspie Woman

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, women's fiction

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Aspie women are sometimes described as having men’s brains. So, why is it so darn difficult for a man to have a relationship with one of them? I propose that the lack of empathy, another trait often attributed to Aspie women, makes having even a friendship with her exceedingly frustrating because she isn’t able to put herself in your shoes. She’s much less obvious about self-containment than her male counterparts because, being a woman, she generally has far better social skills and puts them to use masking her deficiencies.

Teenage Aspie girls fall behind their neurotypical classmates and, even though physically attractive, another stereotypical female Aspie trait, have difficulty maintaining relationships. As they age, they observe their NT counterparts and learn to mimic their behavior. Their mimicry brings with it another set of problems. Because they are not responding out of true concern, due to their lack of empathy, Aspie women develop a canned response when they detect something is amiss with an acquaintance.

A middle-aged Aspie woman I’ve known for decades responds with, “I’m so sorry,” if you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, have had a parent or sibling die, or have been seriously injured in an accident. Hearing her say this same phrase so many times for a wide range of issues, coupled with a complete lack of deeper follow up, convinced me hers was a canned response not based on having empathy for another’s problems. Where others might say, “I’m so sorry,” and ask questions to give you a chance to share your feelings in some depth, she forges ahead to some topic that interests her. If you need someone to comfort you when you’re down and hurting, she’s not the girl for you. However, if you’re looking for someone to take care of, she might be the one for you. More on that later.

Serial Monogamy and the Aspie Woman

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, women's fiction

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As one who grew up in the time of shotgun weddings, I was advised by a much-older acquaintance, “Don’t sleep with a woman you wouldn’t want to marry” and heard the old adage, “Don’t have sex with a woman worse off than you.” Prior to the sexual revolution of the late-1960s that popularized free love, permitted shacking up, and pretty much ended shotgun weddings, men were circumspect about having sex with physically attractive Aspie women who lacked social skills. A few hours of pleasure weren’t worth a lifetime of misery. As an old, unhappy sergeant once told me, “It only costs three dollars to get married but takes everything you make the rest of your life to stay married and it’s cheaper to stay married than to get divorced.” Easy divorce came soon after that but was too late for him. These societal changes worked together to benefit Aspie women by releasing allowing them the freedom to be active sexually without being coerced into unwanted marriages.

In many ways, the last half-century has been the best of times for Aspie women. Prettier and more youthful looking than the average woman in their age bracket, they easily attract men. In pre-AIDS days, they could readily enjoy one-night stands and hook-ups with men wanting the same. AIDS has taken promiscuity off the table for most Aspie women because, in addition to being attractive, they are highly intelligent and intelligent women don’t risk AIDS or other social diseases. Heterosexuals, men and women alike, now exercise more caution but still readily find commitment-free sex partners. Aspie women are perfect for men not desiring marriage and commitments: great sex on weekends, text messages in between, and phone sex when they’re horny and few discussions about “us.” It’s a win-win.

This is one of the rare times in which both men and women get what they want out of a relationship. Unless one of them gets serious. Then it’s time to move on. Serial monogamy is likely more prevalent among Aspie women than others because they tend to avoid the pressures of truly intimate relationships and easily find fault with demanding lovers. When that happens, they move on to the next guy. It will be interesting to see how golden aged Aspies compete with widows for the shrinking pool of men.

DoD Thinks Putin Is Asperger’s

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Asperger's, Fiction writing, women's fiction

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The Department of Defense thinks Vladimir Putin has Asperger’s Syndrome, according to a 2008 study report that has been leaked to the press. Why do we care? Putting national security issues aside, it might be useful for writers and readers to both accept it as true. Spy and crime writers could easily use it as a plot device. Aspie heroines, like their real-life counterparts, can be attracted to Aspie men, not that it often works out well. As Aspie woman I’ve known for years (but denies she is Aspie), by her own admission almost exclusively dates Aspie men. She, however, has never considered the possibility that they are the way they are because they are Aspie, let alone accept that she’s terrible in relationships because she’s Aspie. Now a senior citizen, she covers by saying, “My boyfriends all have poor social skills.” One can only imagine what sort of relationship skills an Aspie KGB officer would have.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a tiny bit Aspie myself but, as a young adult, recognized I lacked social skills and have gradually but steadily improved them over the years to the point I can socialize easily with sophisticated people. My old Aspie lady friend has learned to mimic proper social behavior well enough to manage social situations reasonably well but lacks the self-confidence to pick socially adept men. She stays in her comfort zone every time she switches boyfriends. She complains about their behavior and lack of interest in knowing her as a person but doesn’t trade up when she has the chance.

Aspie women have a tremendous advantage over other women as they age: they retain their good looks much better than other women and men are nothing if not visually oriented. Aging Aspie women need all the help they can get because the pool of men shrinks as they get older and the competition gets fierce for this limited commodity. Widows with finely-honed social and relationship skills are tough competition and many surviving men who will tolerate the lack of such skills in women have long before exited the dating pool.

Back to Putin. Would many Aspie women possess the energy to deal with this bare-chested macho man? Would Putin be attracted to an intelligent and beautiful but retiring woman? Probably yes but not for long.

Aspie Gifting Problems

21 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by in Asperger's

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Christmas can be an especially difficult for Aspie girls and women because of the gift giving and receiving, both of which are problematic for them. Receiving is easier than giving—no endless racking of the brain is required to find the perfect gift—but Aspies so often hurt feelings by not reacting appropriately when given something the giver spent a lot of time and thought selecting. This applies even when the Aspie likes the gift. Perhaps it’s because she’s so overwhelmed at even thinking about what someone else would like, she shuts down and can’t emote anything remotely positive when someone gives her what she would even consider the perfect gift.

A particularly painful example was the time I gave a 60+year-old Aspie woman what would be considered a toy, but a toy she didn’t know existed. She immediately took it out of the box, set it up, and enjoyed playing with it. In spite of the enjoyment it gave her, she could only raise herself to acknowledging having received the gift. After much prodding, she told me how she set it up, arranged the pieces, and really liked playing with it. But never could she thank me like a neurotypical person would. To say my feelings were hurt would be an understatement. Now that I know she’s an Aspie woman, I know not to expect thanks from her.

Buying gifts is so stressing for her that she doesn’t buy presents for her children; she gives them her credit card and tells them to buy themselves whatever they’d like. I attribute these gifting problems to the lack of empathy. She doesn’t have any sense of how others feel and is unable to get ideas what others, even those very close to her, might like by listening to them in other contexts. She minimizes her gifting problems by telling her boyfriends and children not to buy her anything. They do as she says, probably due to past negative experiences. I find her situation sad but have no idea how to help her.