Women desiring to become mothers just got something more to worry about and those who don’t can breathe a little easier based on the findings of Canadian researchers. Dr. Victor Chow, of the University of British Columbia, said “The weight of the evidence is that marijuana probably has a negative impact not only for sperm counts but sperm function.”
Earlier studies found that marijuana can affect fertility by cutting sperm count and suppressing ovulation in women. What’s new is that these researchers observed the sperm of regular cannabis users to “mellow out” and “swim in circles.”
Lest the user think swimming in circles is unusual behavior for sperm, scientists have known for a while that they often do just that. However, they blamed it on “their erratic, asymmetric tail propulsion.” Sperm’s exceedingly long tails, smaller than the width of a human hair, will buckle trapping the cells in a circular loop if the semen or vaginal secretions they find themselves in is too viscous. This is true even if the sperm are swimming perfectly.
This past March, researchers from England’s University of York reported that they had discovered a mathematical formula to describe the “rhythmic movement of a sperm’s head and tail.” This “particular rhythm pulls the head backwards and sideways to create a jerky fluid flow.” Analyzing the approximately 55 million spermatozoa found in a single sample made creating a mathematical model all the more difficult. These seemingly counterproductive movements of the head and tail stir the fluid in which the sperm is surrounded in such a way as to reduce the friction and allow it to move forward.
To make matters worse for our intrepid sperm, women can unknowingly have hostile mucus in their vaginas. If the pH is too acidic, the sperm will be immobilized, unable to swim and will die shortly. Too little mucus and sperm will be like fish out of water and die. Artificial lubricants, including saliva, are often deadly to sperm as are some types of bacteria that grow in the vagina.
The best help a woman can give these poor sperm is to moderate sugary foods, alcohol and white flour products, drink lots of water throughout the day and to extend foreplay to help her body produce natural lubricants with the exception of cunnilingus which is to be avoided.
So, if a woman not wanting to get pregnant is into one-night stands and prefers going bareback, the best preparation she can make is to dehydrate, eat a bunch of Twinkies, drink a lot of booze, minimalize foreplay, excepting cunnilingus, which is encouraged, and share pot brownies with her Galahad for the night.