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 “If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be.”

Tech geeks working for bed maker Durmet in Spain have developed the “Smarttress” that looks like a regular double-bed mattress but has sensors concealed in it. These sensors, we’re told, differentiate between sexual motions and movements of more mundane sorts by the use of special algorithms. Whenever a suspicious motion is detected the partner who suspects she or he is being cuckolded is warned in real-time via cell phone message.

Spain? Why Spain? Some surveys suggest that Spaniards are among the most unfaithful lovers on the planet. Ashley Madison, the go to website to arrange extramarital affairs (at least until their site was hacked and names of subscribers were made public) claims to have over a million subscribers in Spain. Spanish Ashley Madisonian males have 2.4 clandestine affairs a year where their female counterparts have only(?) 1.3. One assumes that Ashley Madison affairs represent the numbers of different people subscribers hook up with each year. The number of trysts per affair is probably not recorded. Inquiring minds believe the number of assignations per subscriber per year to be well into double digits, although not evenly distributed among rendezvous partners.

One of the reasons Durmet thinks their product will be successful in the marketplace is that the latest infidelity research in Spain found that 94% of Spaniards prefer to make love in their own homes rather than in motels, seedy or otherwise.

The software engineers designed the computer programs located in their servers to detect “suspicious activity regarding time of use, frequency, intensity or speed.” When the algorithms identify undesired activity on the mattress, it informs the cuckold immediately, and graphically, which parts of the bed are experiencing the most action, making it easy for the aggrieved to form a mental picture of what her or his partner is doing with someone else.

No statistics were provided regarding increased assaults and shootings.