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Aspie women are sometimes described as having men’s brains. So, why is it so darn difficult for a man to have a relationship with one of them? I propose that the lack of empathy, another trait often attributed to Aspie women, makes having even a friendship with her exceedingly frustrating because she isn’t able to put herself in your shoes. She’s much less obvious about self-containment than her male counterparts because, being a woman, she generally has far better social skills and puts them to use masking her deficiencies.

Teenage Aspie girls fall behind their neurotypical classmates and, even though physically attractive, another stereotypical female Aspie trait, have difficulty maintaining relationships. As they age, they observe their NT counterparts and learn to mimic their behavior. Their mimicry brings with it another set of problems. Because they are not responding out of true concern, due to their lack of empathy, Aspie women develop a canned response when they detect something is amiss with an acquaintance.

A middle-aged Aspie woman I’ve known for decades responds with, “I’m so sorry,” if you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, have had a parent or sibling die, or have been seriously injured in an accident. Hearing her say this same phrase so many times for a wide range of issues, coupled with a complete lack of deeper follow up, convinced me hers was a canned response not based on having empathy for another’s problems. Where others might say, “I’m so sorry,” and ask questions to give you a chance to share your feelings in some depth, she forges ahead to some topic that interests her. If you need someone to comfort you when you’re down and hurting, she’s not the girl for you. However, if you’re looking for someone to take care of, she might be the one for you. More on that later.