Whether women can or cannot have it all or can have it all but not at the same time has spawned numerous articles in recent years. Various aspects of the work-home conundrum have been discussed ad nauseam. The best time for career women to have children is often discussed. For example, Anne-Marie Slaughter (The Atlantic, July/August 2012) recommends “establishing yourself in your career first but still trying to have kids before you are 35—or else freeze your eggs, whether you are married or not. You may well be a more mature and less frustrated parent in your 30s or 40s; you are also more likely to have found a lasting life partner.” Her advice, whether heard or not, is being followed by many ambitious younger women but it overlooks some basic facts their grandmothers’ generation understood intuitively. Overlooking these facts can destroy Aspie girls’ chances to have a happy marriage.
Historically, college was where women of the social classes targeted by these articles met their future mates. But, you say, things were different then. They most certainly were. Men outnumbered women in colleges and universities and thus gave matrimonially-oriented women advantages in selecting husbands. Today, the situation is reversed. Student bodies became majority female in 1979 and are approaching 60% female and 40% male. Educated women, and especially Aspie women who may not be socially adept or emotionally mature enough in their college years, who want families are at a significant disadvantage for finding suitable mates for several reasons. First, far fewer men than women are obtaining college degrees. Second, men for whom having a family is a priority often find their mates in college and marry within a few years of graduating, reducing the pool of eligible males for women who didn’t pair up before graduation. Third, (and this is nothing new) we males are visual creatures and tend to be developmentally behind women. Thus, we tend to be attracted to women younger than ourselves. Mature women are too much for us to handle. Fourth, due to the feminization of the society and readily available sex and pornography, many younger men are opting out of the whole dating-marriage thing completely (this could be a future blog topic). Fifth, Aspie women, although smart and physically attractive with youthful countenances, have difficulties maintaining relationships and are often eliminated for consideration by the best husband material.
I wish I could be more optimistic but, as of now, I can’t be. To the contrary, I expect more Aspie women, with biological clocks deafening them, to partner up with any man who will have them, resulting in much heartache.